I really don't want to hate my family...

neveragain · 09-24-2007, 02:09 PM

...because they've been so supportive, but for some reason, right now I feel very bitter. I know that deep down, I couldn't ever truly feel this way because it's all on me.

I see the rest of my family and what they've accomplished and I couldn't be more envious. Most of my family were in prestigious greek houses. All either graduated with honors or are on their way. My dad is an ivy league grad who is a doctor. No matter what I do, I can't get out of the shadow of my dad. Not that I wouldn't want to follow in his footsteps, but I just don't like being compared to him. I hate when people look at me and then look at my family and then say, "What the hell happened to John?", which I get ALL OF THE TIME by my dad's friends.

I am SO ANGRY at myself for making the choices that I have. I want to be a leader. I want to be attractive. I want to be able to carry a room with conversation. I want to be that person that people come to when they have an issue with something. I'm so tired of being single. I want to be able to approach a woman I don't know and spark up an interesting conversation and have them want to go out with me. I'm so tired of driving these crappy loud japanese cars that are for 16 year olds. I need a newer BMW. Why didn't I just buckle down during high school and get my stuff done. I could have gone to U of A straight out of high school. I wanted to get into SAE like my dad.

Yes, I know. I'm vain and materialistic, but I feel like I'm giving some people the wrong impression of who I really feel like I am inside.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

I apologize. I'm just having a very "dammit" kind of day. I hate feeling this way. I feel demoralized. It's not like I'm not taking steps to remedy the situation, but I still just...ugh.

I feel like crying and I never cry. I should not feel this way.

kagoscuba · 09-24-2007, 02:29 PM

You've got to get a hold of yourself. Jealousy is a misguided and destructive problem of the self...not others. Jealous of people belonging to a fraternity??!! WGAF? Guess how many times that's come up in my job interviews? 0 Now, my certification as a Professional Project Manager and college education have come up a lot. I went to college, I did well, and I went after the top certification my career field offered. Granted, my college was far from Ivy League, but I still have a pretty nice job and the "toys" that come with it. By the way, the Infiniti G35x is a far nicer car than the BMW 330xi, and it is $10k cheaper. Stop being fascinated by labels and start worring about substance. Have that same confidence in every facet of your personal life, and the issues with the ladies may go away too. Sorry, if I sound like I'm hammering you; I just mean it as a pity party wake up call.

neveragain · 09-24-2007, 02:36 PM

Let me rephrase that whole jealousy part. I am very envious.

I feel no malice towards my parents or sister at all. I love them very much and I'm incredibly proud of them.

Oh, and when I said crappy japanese cars, I was more referring to sub 2001 Honda, Nissan, Toyota, and the like. Not so much their sister companies. :)

Have you seen the new G37? mmmmmmm.

faithmd · 09-24-2007, 03:23 PM

Wait, aren't you in Med School yourself? I thought I had read where WasaBB wrote that.

I imagine it would be somewhat hard to be in the shadow of someone like your father. I agree it has the potential to be tough as hell. But guess what? YOU ARE NOT HIM, so stop beating yourself up and comparing yourself to him. He lived his life, it's your time to live yours. I understand what you mean but it's time to grow a thick skin. WGAF what your DAD's friends say about you? Do they pay your bills or control your bank account? Do they support you emotionally? Do they control your life or do you?

I had a desire to do more as well, why couldn't I get it together and go do something with my life? I should have done SOOOOO much more. but I didn't. I have no one to blame but me. You are still only 22, get out there and do it, whatever "it" is.

On the relationship front, I now this is going to sound silly and you've heard it a million times, but really, honestly don't worry about it. Again, you are young, too young to worry about settling down. Settling down means responsibility and inability to uproot and move and do something else. Settling down means you have to think of someone else when you make a life change. So don't worry about it right now. That having been said, if you just want women to come flocking to you, I don't quite know what to say. Do you wish to be a playa? Men like that are giant a-holes (sorry...). I just went to my 20th HS reunion this past w/e and ran into the male who in my mind was the biggest playa in HS and though he is fairly successful and has a trophy wife, I cannot imagine his life is at all happy. His comments in conversations and rolling his eyes when talking about having kids and his boistrous, loud attitude and buying everyone drinks to somehow prove himself and his success was so transparent. He is obviously a closet alcoholic and I wonder if at some time in his life he ever did what HE wanted, or if he always followed in his successful father's footsteps.

On the other side of the room was a gentleman with his wife who bucked his family's traditions and became a minister. Had four kids and is incredibly happy. His dad said he was so proud of who he had become and what he did with his life. (Yep, we talked about it that night-he and his wife had been very good friends of mine in HS).

I'm sort of rambling here, but I just want you to understand you have years ahead of you to become what you want to be. You just have to decide what that is and DO IT. Don't get strapped down with a relationship or kids or a mortgage or a huge car note to look impressive. It may only make you more sad in the long run, and fifteen years from now you might find your liver pickled and your trophy wife is really a bitch who is doing the tennis instructor.

faithmd · 09-24-2007, 03:25 PM

And by the way, were I to be younger and single, wow! I think you are WAAAAAY hot!

neveragain · 09-24-2007, 03:34 PM

I got a nice little chuckle out of the last little bit of your reply. lol.

I hate "playas". I really just want someone to keep me company without the pressure of a necessary marriage commitment 3 years down the road. I have entirely too much to do before I settle down, too. lol. You're right.

I'm not looking for an EXTRAVAGANT car. I just want a nicer car than I have now. An early 2000's 325i or 328i is relatively inexpensive and serves the purpose.

I guess that I'm just tired of always being looked down upon and being ruled out...oh well, one day, huh?

Oh, and I'm at U of A. I'm still pre-med. :)

neveragain · 09-24-2007, 03:38 PM

<3 Thank you!!!!

faithmd · 09-24-2007, 03:46 PM

re: BMW-go get one if you can afford it!

re: women-remember we are NOT like you guys at all, there are VERY few of us who can be non-committal without falling in love and going a bit psycho (I fully expect to be chastised by my sisters, but I stand by my statement). I can't imagine a woman who could or would want to stick around for any length or time without expecting a rock out of the deal. I look at the majority of med students and docs around me and the men are ALL married. Women stick like glue to a guy who's going to be a doc. Female residents seem to rarely be married, don't know what the difference is.

Good luck! Come bitch and vent anytime!

09-24-2007, 03:57 PM

Neveragain:
You are WAY hot and I wish you lived closer...

musicalmomma · 09-24-2007, 04:05 PM

I dunno...a visit to the local soup kitchen or social services or talking to some foster kids or checking out the local shelters sheltering domestic violence victims...etc...that usually puts things into perspective for me...

So many times I find myself throwing a good old fashioned pity party because I chose to be a stay at home mom, rather than climbing the corporate ladder. I think to myself that we COULD be in a 5k square foot home, rather than our 2400sf. I think, we could own a BMW and/or Land Rover, rather than our Ford Edge. I think, I could be shopping at the upscale shops, rather than Walmart & Kohl's. I think of all the STUFF we could have IF I just kept climbing that ladder. Then I look around me and I think of all the people in the list above and think just how grateful they would be if they could spend a day in my shoes!

No matter how bad you think you have it...someone else (thousands of others) would trade places with you in a heartbeat! Count your blessings...it's the ONLY way to find peace.

WASaBubbleButt · 09-24-2007, 06:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by faithmd

And by the way, were I to be younger and single, wow! I think you are WAAAAAY hot!

Neveragain IS hot! I've seen him in real time and I'm telling you, he's a sweetie and damned fine looking. That photo of him on his avatar does not do him justice at all.

If I was just a little bit younger..... (be still my heart!)

anonemouse · 09-24-2007, 06:48 PM

Quote:

re: women-remember we are NOT like you guys at all, there are VERY few of us who can be non-committal without falling in love and going a bit psycho (I fully expect to be chastised by my sisters, but I stand by my statement). I can't imagine a woman who could or would want to stick around for any length or time without expecting a rock out of the deal. I look at the majority of med students and docs around me and the men are ALL married. Women stick like glue to a guy who's going to be a doc. Female residents seem to rarely be married, don't know what the difference is.

I guess I'm one of the minority. The thought of marriage is actually unpleasant to me, honestly. I truly get the creeps every time I think of getting married to a guy, settling down, and having kids. I like the thought of being able to quit my job and move to a new town without having to consult someone else. Most men (at least where I'm from) expect their wives to be "the little lady" and do all the cooking, all the cleaning, stay home, etc. I'm just not wired like that. I'd go nuts and kill him or shove a pot roast where the sun doesn't shine.

anonemouse · 09-24-2007, 06:54 PM

But seriously, neveragain, I know how you feel. My dad has three degrees. My brother also has three, including an MBA and a law degree. My branch of the family is apparently the high-achieving section of the family and I get a lot of pressure to excel. It's like, "Your dad and your brother did this and did that. Now what are you going to do?" You get so much pressure to succeed that you feel like you have to do it better and faster or else you're a failure. It's not enough just to do something, you have to do it better.

newgirl07 · 09-24-2007, 07:05 PM

neveragain, aren't you a little young to be going through a mid life crisis? Seriously, don't be so hard on yourself! A LOT of people completely switch degrees, careers, etc. and are much older than you. As far as the relationship thing, please don't rush! I was married at 26 and divorced at 35 -- so much for marriage...

Lauren, not ALL guys expect the "little wife." My boyfriend (who I will likely marry) would puke at the concept. He loves me the way I am and especially my independence. They're all not circa 1945 in their opinion of gender roles.

And really, why do we feel like we have to live up to a certain set of standards? Is it REALLY that important to have the "right" car, house, job, spouse? What's right is whatever it takes that makes you feel good about yourself and is healthy for you. Screw the world and their judgements; that's baggage you don't need to carry.

BTW, look forward to your 30s; you won't care about what people think of you any more. Woo hoo!

**Kat817** · 09-24-2007, 07:22 PM

I agree with so many of the above comments, I just want to urge you to read them through a couple more times.

You are just a baby---enjoy the hell out of not having to conform!!! Drive your beat up car to the airport and travel as much as you can! See new places, do new things. In each situation you will meet new people! Make memories, YOUR memories.
In 5 years your car will be outdated again, but no one can take away the memory of parasailing over blue waters, or sharing a frou-frou drink with a young woman you just met on a beach somewhere....or a cup of steaming coffee with a ski bunny!!!
There will be a wife in your future, of that I have no doubt, but find you---find out what makes you happy without the someone else first. I speak that from first hand experience, I had some really horrid past experiences, but once I decided to make me happy, I found the man that fits in with that---and makes it better.

You have done an amazing change in your life already, you took control of a weight issue that is not an easy thing to do. So what if we chose surgery---it is saving our lives, making us healthier individuals. You KNOW you can do anything now. If I had been able to lose the weight earlier in my life....the ideas, the opportunities seem so overwhelming!!! I thank God for doing it at 47!!

You never did say what Dads buddies sons are up to...I know a lot of people, and not every professional man I know has kids following in their footsteps. My ex father in law, is a real estate mogul....but his millions in the bank could not keep his son out of prison.
Enjoy your life NOW!!!

Kat

and yep you're a hottie!!!