I live in squalor

flabuless · 03-19-2007, 04:49 AM

I know exactly how you feel...I payed someone to clean my house...post surgery...I had enough to deal with...a recently X unproductive husband included...but post surgery...it was all about me...so I did WHATEVER necessary to make myself feel good...and cleaning the house was one of the things I quite happily delegated...It only lasted about 5 months... but it was the best investment I ever made...Look after yourself first...it takes awhile to get back to 'normal' but loosing weight helps alot...now I actually have the energy/motivation to do it myself...then I didn't.
:) Becky

**Kat817** · 04-26-2007, 12:02 AM

I just come across this thread--and had to respond!!!

I am not on either end of the spectrum, I fall somewhere in the middle. I have WAY too much junk! But most of that junk is organized, and the house clean enough, that I am not embarrassed if company shows up unannounced. But I hate cleaning! It feels overwhelming to me sometimes. So I have no choice but to make deals with myself!!! I am not allowed to log on to the computer in the morning, until the bed is made, and the dishwasher unloaded!! I can buy whatever I choose, but for everything I buy, I have to get rid of something. I found myself with no less than 20 bottles of lotion, of different kinds---totally ridiculous. I hate wasting things, money included, so now if I am out of something---I can replace it---using the same lotion as an example, if I run out, I can buy new, without issue, but if I just want to try out something new, I have to throw out the other---and since I hate being wasteful, I usually finish using up what I had. It has cut way down on the number of bottles in the shower, and in the linen closet! But I use it with EVERYTHING! If I want new placemats for the dining table, I have to get rid of the old ones, not store them away---get rid of them! When I buy something new clothing wise, I have to get rid of something. Which used to be much harder, but these day there is always something that I have undergrown!!!
It seems silly---but it has really cut down on the clutter.
I too do the 15 minute thing---or if I am watching live TV ( TIVO has about done this trick in though!) I try to get something done on each commercial. Dust all the end tables----put away the folded towels---whatever, just rush to get the job done during the commercial, or I miss what I want to see!
It is terrible having to trick and bribe yourself!!!
Kat

puddin · 04-26-2007, 12:53 AM

Girl, I do sympathize. While I'm not married, I have a sister who used to be incredibly messy. I like the house clean and she could care less, but she was also dealing with some depression problems. She has since dealt with the depression and voila! She's taken it upon herself to start cleaning up after herself! But I had to really back down and not nag her about it. I just let it get kinda messy until she couldn't stand it and decided to do something about it. But she never would have before dealing with the depression. So while I can't give any great advice here, i can say that perhaps if you can help your hubby deal with the depression, maybe that will do something about the cleaning motivation.

Hey, just thought of something. Another thing that got her cleaning was to invite someone over and then tell my sister about it before-hand. She's got too much pride to have a messy house when people come over, so she'd get up and start cleaning. Would this work with your husband? Maybe invite people over once a week LOL!

derbygirl · 04-26-2007, 07:35 AM

Hey, I'm glad you guys brought this thread back up. I'm wondering how she's doing now that she's a few weeks post-op.

How's it going??

sweetviolet · 05-23-2007, 03:36 PM

I am a junk collector--I have found that if I put a laundry basket in the room i am cleaning I can put everything that does not belong in that room in the basket--when I am done dusting and vaccumming I push the basket into the halll and put the stuff that belongs elswhere wher it belongs and start cleaning the next room the same way--I am a collector--but I feel so much better when I keep up that I no longer have to take paxil!! as for paper--I throuw it away--if it is a bill they will always send me another!! I also bought a Meile vaccuum--makes no noise--just the dirt being sucked up--the dog and the children do not run from the noise!!

ItsGottaGo! · 05-23-2007, 05:09 PM

Jachut, I'm exactly like you re: both of your posts. Glad to know I'm not alone!

Marimaru · 05-23-2007, 05:15 PM

My fiance and I are both this way. We've had to make rules for ourselves, and we've been following them. We also have agreements. He HATES dishes, and while I don't particularly like them, I don't hate them the way he does, so I do them, all the time, every now and then he'll rinse something. But he does ALL of the trash. If I feel like taking a bag out I do, but it's his job. He feeds the cats, I do the catboxes (he lucked out on that one). If the laundry bin gets full, we go to the laundromat, etc, etc. I usually go to the gym after work, so I've tried to start a routine where I get home from the gym and run through and do all of my chores. It's a relatively new system, but it's working so far.

I too am curious about how the OP is doing..

kity · 05-23-2007, 05:37 PM

Very interesting. I had to live in a mess for 8 years, long long story. It was so mentally unhealthy as well as physically. We were sick all the time. Now, I have not had a cold or flu since Dec. 05! I remodeled my house, and hired a cleaning lady. I pay $50/week and it is the best money I've ever spent. She does everything I ask her to do. I've had her 3 1/2 years, and completely trust her. She comes when I am at work. Aside from laying $200.00 on the counter, I never interact w/ her...and my house is always spotless! But, I have 2 (3 in the fall) jobs and am also finishing my dissertation. I can clean my house (I have a 3 bedroom, 2000 sq.ft. house, and I live alone most days), but I don't want to. Some of my friends have their lady come 2x a month, usually about 75$. To me, it makes perfect sense. Why clean a toilet if you don't have to. I know to some, it may seem like I am being indulgent...but why not. It is so nice on Thursdays, walking in to a fresh clean house, clean sheets, dishes, laundy, ironing, and those wonderful lines on the carpet...aaahhhh, and all I have to do is go to LBT!!!

GET A MAID...IT WILL FREE YOUR MIND!

chimboree26 · 05-23-2007, 07:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kity

...I can clean my house (I have a 3 bedroom, 2000 sq.ft. house, and I live alone most days), but I don't want to. Some of my friends have their lady come 2x a month, usually about 75$. To me, it makes perfect sense. Why clean a toilet if you don't have to. I know to some, it may seem like I am being indulgent...but why not. It is so nice on Thursdays, walking in to a fresh clean house, clean sheets, dishes, laundy, ironing, and those wonderful lines on the carpet...aaahhhh, and all I have to do is go to LBT!!!

GET A MAID...IT WILL FREE YOUR MIND!

AMEN TO THAT!!!!! I am searching right now for a maid. I,too, live alone in a 2BD/2BA condo, but I know it would free me up tremendously to have help.

*singing* Free your mind and the rest will follow...
(Everything triggers a song w/me. lol)

susansilver · 05-23-2007, 07:31 PM

When I was working out my budget to see if I could afford the Lap Band surgery (self pay in Toronto), I told my husband that the only thing I will NEVER give up is my cleaning lady. We are only three people, so although my 9 year old DD is messy, our condo doesn't tend to get too dirty. She comes once every two weeks and I will only do something in between if there is a spill etc. Otherwise it's all hers! I do laundry once a week and that is my big chore in the house besides cooking.

DH and I no longer fight wabout housework because we don't have any! I no longer resent all the hours I used to spend cleaning only for it to get dirty again! My house is clean, mostly tidy and we are VERY happy! It is well worth the expense!

ItsGottaGo! · 05-23-2007, 08:29 PM

Kity, where on earth did you find a cleaning lady for $50 a week! I would definitely be in for that, but there is not a maid in town for that price. I have the same size house as you, and the last time I had it cleaned the going rate was $33 per hour!! Any chance you live in Southwest Florida?? I would love the name of your cleaning lady.

kity · 05-23-2007, 08:41 PM

Sorry, no, I live in Palm Springs, CA...but things are pretty expensive here. I pay extra for ironing, $2 an item, because that will change each week. Look around. The best peice of advice I can give: Do not hire people you can't/don't trust. The first few times, I was home w/ her. It was uncomfortable, as I literally lifted my feet as she vaccuumed under them. She was one of my students aunts. Ask your friends who they use. She doesn't speak much English, I speak a little Spanish. But after 3 times, I felt I could trust her.
Mess and clutter is very unhealthy. I've been there friends, too embarrassed to open the door when someone knocked. Now, I can breath, my home is my sanctuary...I love to come home.
As for all the shit we gather in our life's journeys...PURGE PEOPLE...PURGE. Last year, I had a "free garage sale". Everything I put out was free. It was cathartic and liberating...this was really crap, stuff that I could've got a quarter or dollar for at a sale. This year, we had another garage sale, and made $800.00!!! But to get rid of the junk will lift you up. It holds us down and holds us back. I have a glass cabinent, and all "special" things go there.
I speak w/ experience, I am honestly trying to help. I've been there, and I know what your going through.

travelbug · 05-23-2007, 11:31 PM

Oh, my goodness, how I can relate to many of you. I have a DH (?) who has an office full of "junk" that he will someday get around to, yet every time he runs across something, he blames me and says what a junk filled home we have and how we should just throw out everything. He can't find anything and even asks me where the soap or the toilet paper is when he runs out....I say "the same place it has been for the last 20 years since i have known you"..... He drives me nutz...why do we put up with things like this from men? I am almost 58 and still suffer from the syndrome....one of these days (when I am thin) I am going to run away from home and to a life that I will love (maybe in Italy with a gorgeous Italian man?).....life is too short to be so unhappy!

jackie506 · 05-24-2007, 05:12 PM

I am on the other end of the spectrum from some of you. I am a very organized clean freak. I do all of my cleaning every 3 days. This includes scrubbing every floor, vacuuming, cleaning sinks toilets and etc, dusting and everything else under the sun that needs to be done in a house. I do laundry every night and make sure it is dried, folded and put away before I go to bed. If something is out of place in our house I am out of place. I have to have things put where they belong.
The most relaxing thing to me is to get up in the morning on my cleaning days and do ALL of my cleaning right away (I go to work mid morning to afternoon) and then go to work and come home and have an early supper with my family, clean up afterwards and then set and read or get on the computer. I am very relaxed when my house is clean.
I have 2 teenagers and my DD takes after mom, (she is a neat freak too) my DS on the other hand is a slob and would leave things lay if he was not told to put them away. DH he just goes with the flow. When we met (this is my second marriage) he had his own place and he kept it so so. He was fine if things started to pile up. Drove me nuts!!!! Needless to say we didn't stay at his place often. HAHA
He does great though. I have a wonderful hubby that keeps things picked up and put away. My motto is when you want to use it get it from where it belongs.....when your done with it put it back where you got it from.

Jachut · 05-25-2007, 02:56 AM

How do you do it? I try try try but I cant manage it. It really is inherent in our personalities.

I got the house cleaned up yesterday and before I knew it, the kids had made hot chocolates in the kitchen, spilled the Milo everywhere, dirty spoons, cups full of mucky milk and chocolate left out, Eliza had cut up paper all over the family room floor (I was working last minute on an assignment due today) and then she came looking for money to play with and emptied my handbag out on the bedroom floor which I'd also vacuumed yesterday. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!

It seems no sooner do I do something than its undone.

Does anyone else get in a bad mood when they're cleaning? It takes about five minutes before I'm yelling and abusing everyone. It puts me in a foul temper to just pointlessly do the same thing again and again and again.