Husband doesn't notice weight loss

Humming Bird · 10-30-2009, 10:39 AM

Men, gotta love em .........

For the most part I have the most wonderful husband in the world. I have been with him for over 23 years and married 18 years. He is generally good to me, supported my choice to get banded, we don't fight, and I am still very much in love with him. In general, I think we are living as close to "happily ever after" as we can get.

BUT .............. I have lost 44 pounds and he has not said a word or made any indication that he sees any difference. He has not asked how much I've lost...... nothing

I'm not really pissed about it, though it does bother me a little. Maybe he doesn't know what to say? Who knows ......

I am going to wait it out and see just how many pounds it takes before he says something.

carbgrl · 10-30-2009, 11:16 AM

That's gotta be tough! I do think sometimes it takes longer for the people closest to us to notice because they see you all the time so the gradual changes are harder to notice. That's why when you see someone you haven't seen in a long time they freak out because it seems like such a drastic change. Other than that, maybe he's having a hard time dealing with it. Jealousy, worried you'll be different.... I've also always thougt 40 lbs is the "magic" number when people really start to notice.

I'm sure he'll say something soon.

Erin Marie · 10-30-2009, 11:37 AM

He might not know how to say the words :). He might feel awkward or embarrassed about expressing those feelings... which is pretty cute!

Give him some time, include him in conversations about your band. Let him know you would love some feedback!

JUKU · 10-30-2009, 11:42 AM

I agree with Erin Marie, men just don't show or verbalize what they are thinking very well. I am sure he has noticed! Keep up the good work.

Humming Bird · 10-30-2009, 12:09 PM

I was thinking .......
Maybe it's like the ol "honey, do these pants make my butt look too big?" thing and he's just being safe and staying away from it ....

Erin Marie · 10-30-2009, 12:24 PM

I think so! It sounds like he's trying to be sensitive and doesn't know whether or not mentioning it would hurt your feelings.

Just strut out in front of him and proclaim, "My god, I look HOT!"

Dana36 · 10-30-2009, 07:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Erin Marie

I think so! It sounds like he's trying to be sensitive and doesn't know whether or not mentioning it would hurt your feelings.

Just strut out in front of him and proclaim, "My god, I look HOT!"

LOL! I walked through the house in a t-shirt with no panties. I was actually just running to the bathroom in the middle of getting dressed. That caught my husband's attention, he hollered, "Hey, your butt disappeared!"

Jachut · 10-30-2009, 09:33 PM

That's probably it to a degree, but to be honest, I had a BMI of 36 when I got banded and I had to lose about 40lb before anyone even noticed. You feel it straight away, you search the mirror and convince yourself you see it but to others it actually does take a pretty big loss to be really obviously visible. People might notice a little difference round the face or something, but dont be surprised that it takes 50lb before people start saying "oh, have you lost weight?"

noosagirl · 10-30-2009, 10:51 PM

I did not notice in a 5 year period that my husband put on about 45 pounds (20kgs) and lost it again. It wasn't till I was looking at photos that I realized, cause all I see is a man that I am very much attracted to. He unfortunately noticed when I put on weight though.

btrieger · 10-31-2009, 12:33 AM

Ladies, we DO NOT read minds.

If you want to know if we noticed something, ask us :)

singand_dance · 11-01-2009, 11:59 PM

It took 50 lbs before my boyfriend noticed. I'd try on new clothes and say "Look, these fit again!" and he'd say "oh, that's nice, good job". He knew I was working and how much I'd lost. Finally one day he just stopped and said "Damn, I totally see it". Then whenever I see my mom she just stops and stares for a minute. But I only see her every few weeks.

tapshoes · 11-02-2009, 08:34 AM

Men can be oblivious...

Perhaps, if he has noticed at all, he doesn't know what to say fearing that whatever he says it will be misconstrued. For example, if he says, 'You lost weight, you look good', the response could be - what, I didn't look good to you before?

And in my opinion, if you see someone every day, you tend not to notice the changes as much as if you see someone only once a month or a year.

Whatever the reason, if you want him to comment, ask him what he thinks of the emerging new you.

Patterba · 11-02-2009, 09:45 AM

Great topic.

My husband doesn't shower me with compliments but here is what I have figured out and maybe it is true for you as well...

Maybe your husband loves you no matter what you weigh. IF he wasn't one to give compliments before, he probably is not going to start now.
My husband is not much of a talker at all, and I need to get the conversation going most times.
One antedote to share..
About 5 years ago I lost 100+ pounds with the help of a personal trainer. I had some great muscle definition going on with my body. I can only recall once that my husband said boy you look great.

I know I was looking good, because I received so many compliments (FROM EVERYONE BUT MY HUSBAND).
Here is what I think was going on with my DH, I think the weightloss may have made him feel a little insecure to know that I was turning into a hot mama.

When I rebounded with my weight he never said a word, but then again, he didn't say anything when I was fit.

So go figure... men are sometimes odd ducks.. But I will keep mine.

ParrotheadCathy · 11-02-2009, 10:20 AM

Let's give him the benefit of the doubt and consider that it might be sensitivity .... he doesn't want to say too much or praise the "improvements" because he doesn't want you to think he loves you any differently then versus now.

cwm812 · 11-02-2009, 12:21 PM

My husband did the exact same thing, but I had lost 100 lbs. Finally, I asked him if he noticed. He said that he had been with me through many sizes, he loved me no matter what and it wasn't important to him. That being said, this weekend (in bed) he said, "You know, you got a great body." I'm not so sure that's accurate info, but I loved hearing it!

Cindy