Anyone not telling family?

NCMom07 · 07-11-2007, 07:45 AM

It has been over two years since I had my surgery and not one member of my family knows about the surgery except my husband. I always wonder if my family think I had surgery, or what...I don't see how they would find out. I don't feel I would get the support I need if they did find out, and I know I wouldn't have when I did have the surgery.

Anyone else in this situation?

Melissa S · 07-11-2007, 07:54 AM

I have only told a few close friends, my mother and sister...

derbygirl · 07-11-2007, 10:28 AM

I didn't tell my extended family or friends about the surgery for a few months, but eventually I did and I'm glad. They have given me a lot of support and encouragement. It is tapering off now, but that is to be expected.

areellady · 07-11-2007, 10:40 AM

I only told my two kids, my parents, DH parents, one professor, and one friend. I was soooo afraid of bad, rude comments that I didn't want anyone else to know. At this point in the game I am sharing more and more. I have told one SIL....I have two brothers and 3 BIL's. Only one BIL knows so far I think. My SIL that I told, asked me point blank what I was doing to lose weight. I am usually pretty good about replying fast, but had a hard time lying to her. She is quite heavy herself and I thought maybe she might benefit from hearing about it. ALL three of my SIL are overweight, but I don't think any of them have an co morbitities as of yet to deal with. People are really starting to notice the weight loss and I am so damn proud of all the hard work that I have done to get this way that I am not going to worry so much about keeping it a secret. I am just going to have to be mentally prepared for the negatives if I get any comments.

NewCC · 07-11-2007, 10:48 AM

NCMom07, I am brand new here. I am scheduled for my medical pre-ops tomorrow. I was wishing to know if anyone, having been banded for a while, was able to keep it secretish! I have so many deep issues with my parents regarding weight. I just don't want my weight to be any of their business. I don't even want them to comment when I lose after the banding.   Do you have to actually lie to them? Have you figured out ways around blatent lying (I don't want to lie)? I only see my family when they come to town, or we travel to them, but having to stay in the same location might make it more noticable?? My mother monitors everything that anyone eats, registering disdane for anything over crumbs, so I imagine she'll just be thrilled when I eat very small portions. Any additional advise for keeping it a long term secret from family? I admire your ability to do so. C

jennyl · 07-11-2007, 12:19 PM

I was just getting ready to ask if anyone knew a good way to tell a 12-year-old boy (my son) who is very very observant. He is not obese, but has been a little "chubby" for the last two years or so. And now he is starting to like girls a little and has been trying to eat better and exercise to lose some weight around the middle. We've always stressed "health" instead of just "losing weight" with him. And I don't want him to think that surgery is the answer for him as well.

So far, only my husband knows and I'm also trying to figure out a way to keep it from my co-workers. Any advice?

SchexyMomma · 07-11-2007, 01:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by NCMom07

It has been over two years since I had my surgery and not one member of my family knows about the surgery except my husband...Anyone else in this situation?

I have only been banded for 3 months, and, like you, only my hubby knows. No one else. It's none of their business!!!! I plan on taking this to the grave!

Quote:

Originally Posted by NewCC

NCMom07, I am brand new here...I was wishing to know if anyone, having been banded for a while, was able to keep it secretish!...Do you have to actually lie to them? Have you figured out ways around blatent lying (I don't want to lie)?...

I just stress to friends and family that I have done a complete lifestyle change. I started talking about this well before my surgery. I just talked it up about how I was cutting fast food and was joining the gym, and wanted to lose at least 50 pounds in the next twelve months... talked a lot about wanting to get healthy. And that is not a lie! I did the surgery for my health, and really have changed my lifestyle. I just don't tell them about the actual surgery- and I don't feel like I am lying. Deciding to keep a private issue private is not lying (not to me). When asked, I tell people that I drink water, exercise, count calories, low carb, low sugar, high protein, and follow that advice of my doctor, and that it is hard and I have good days and bad- but that I am committed to a healthy lifestyle now. ALL OF THIS IS TRUE!

Quote:

Originally Posted by jennyl

I was just getting ready to ask if anyone knew a good way to tell a 12-year-old boy (my son) who is very very observant. ...only my husband knows and I'm also trying to figure out a way to keep it from my co-workers. Any advice?

I don't know if I would tell him (just my opinion). I remember when I was 10 my mother had a hysterectomy- no one explained to me what this was exactly, but I can remember her telling me that she needed an operation that would help her health. Again, you deserve your privacy. And I am not sure that a youngster should be expected to keep a huge secret. As for coworkers, I would say to them as I do to my family and friends, that this is a new lifestyle, a new me.

faithmd · 07-11-2007, 01:54 PM

I told my parents and my husband, it is no one else's business. I lost 44lbs pre-band so I figure I'll just keep telling folks that I have continued my lifestyle changes (it is NOT a diet!-that's what I tell myself).

monk · 07-12-2007, 10:15 AM

I told my husband and kids and one of my brothers, a few select friends. If my mother knew she would get out her roladex and call everyone she knows...

katschai · 07-12-2007, 07:25 PM

I told my husband and that is it, I have not even told my son (teenager). I saw my dad who lives out of state recently and had not seem him for 3 months. He noticed and commented about my weight loss. Of course when he got home my mother called and asked what i was doing. Exercising almost every day (true) using sparkpeople.com and trying to keep to 1000 kc day (true). I have not told one line, I just omitted a piece of information. I know for me this is the way is needs to be for my sanity.

**coltonwade** · 07-13-2007, 10:36 PM

I have told most people Im close to , My friends family , ect.
Someone had told my grand mother quite some time ago that I was thinking of having it done and she had some pretty negative things to say .
I pretty much told her what i thought of it .
She called tonight to tell my son happy birthday ( I assumed my dad told her my surgery is Monday ) ... NOT . He didnt. So when I said something about it her comment was" OH Mindy are you SURE You want to do that " I told her " LOOK I am doing this , if you dont agree w/ it that's your right I however do not want to hear anything negative ESPICALLY 3 days before my surgery so keep them to yourself" See my DAD was too CHICKEN to say anything to his mother about it because he didnt want to hear it from her.
I Dont really care who knows .
Both of my parents however are choosing to NOT tell people. I did tell them though , if those people find out from ME That's YOUR Problem LOL
Mindy

citygirlnks · 07-13-2007, 11:37 PM

It's so much of a personal thing. I had a difficult time facing the facts and verbalizing to my boyfriend and my family about how unhappy I am about my weight and the other health problems I am having because of it. It's an emotional and personal thing, I'd say only tell people if you honestly feel comfortable telling them because you are doing this for you and not anyone else.

SchexyMomma · 07-14-2007, 01:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Amyintw

... It's easy to make up a story, its hard when u have friends that want to loose weight too and cant.

I know exactly what you mean... I have a couple of friends and even family members that are struggling and that I know would benefit from the Band. Just as you said, Amy, I think they are getting down because they see me "easily" losing weight...

I just emphasize to them 2 things: (1) it's not easy; I have done a complete lifestyle change and (2) that if I ever begin to gain weight, I will look into the Lap Band surgery.

Ok, so number two is a total lie (cuz I already had it done) but I want them to know that should they decide to have the Band or other weight loss surgery, then I will be there for them and that I will be completely supportive.

SD Chick · 07-14-2007, 02:12 PM

I must be the minority - I have told everyone - I have only 2 people who gave me any guff - and of course I am sure everyone will be watching what I eat - - Oh well, that is the way I am - very vocal

_Becca · 07-14-2007, 02:37 PM

I did tell my family and most of them were very supportive because they have seen my weight struggles. Coworkers/ friends I have told have given me mixed reactions. My friends that have stuggled with their weight have been the least supportive believe it or not! I am amazed you have gone two years without telling anyone. I bet your family would be supportive if you told them though, especially with your weightloss! I think people who aren't supportive seem to think that the band is the easy way out and it just so isn't. It is hard work to lose weight, the band just allows us to keep it off. Good luck with your decision!