Anxiety at dinner party

shutuplena · 01-14-2007, 09:27 PM

So I went to my first party since being banded in November and I felt so out of place. Like I didn't know what to do with myself. I wanted to eat everything, but I knew I couldn't and I really didn't want it. I realized tonight how severe of a habit eating is. I actually felt like a nervous wreck without eating. It was like when I stopped smoking 15 years ago, you just need to do something with your hand. It's the same thing now. I am hoping this part of it is really just trying to break a habit and this will pass. Has any one experienced this mental turmoil? I'd appreciate your advice.

**Jack** · 01-14-2007, 09:49 PM

re: 'I wanted to eat everything, but I knew I couldn't and I really didn't want it. I realized tonight how severe of a habit eating is. I actually felt like a nervous wreck without eating"

yes, indeed.....and this phase also passes into history.....

after you being finding more predictability with your Band, you will become more confident with these situations. When you find yourself 'ordering down' from your Old Life habit, such events become more of what they were meant to be all along, a SOCIAL occasion at which you can have a meal, rather than a MEAL occasion at which you have observers....

I can finally appreciate that such as a BOWL of soup or a CUP or chowder actually makes a very pleasing meal...I always had regarded them as a lesser-form of consumable intended to obstruct getting to the REAL food...

After a while, the habit of taking home most of the (small) order of whatever, and having it for another meal or two even, helps reinforce how we have over-fed ourselves for so long...

like some dope addict who realize neither what they are doing, how much they are using, nor what their bad habit is doing to themselves...

This is time to reorganize your entire relationship with food and with eating....

you are well on the way to your New Life....congratulations....

shutuplena · 01-15-2007, 10:43 AM

RE: such events become more of what they were meant to be all along, a SOCIAL occasion at which you can have a meal, rather than a MEAL occasion at which you have observers....

I never thought of it that way and you are definitely correct. I look forward to the day when I can feel that way too. Thanks Jack!

giveyouthemoon · 01-15-2007, 05:48 PM

Oh gosh, I think the MOST anxiety I've had about the band has come at social encounters. Especially in the early days of the band where you are still figuring things out, when you are not sure yet what might stick and what works.

Also, for me, at a social event, I get to talking, get all excited, eat too fast and then....yuuuuurp. Not good. I used to be TERRIFIED about a social situation and what would happen if I had to PB..which I did...a lot...because anxiety closes up the ol' esophagus.

My bit of advice...take it for what it is worth....in a social scene, remind yourself over and over to eat REALLY SLOWLY. I mean, force yourself to put down your fork between every bite. You can try some of everything there, that's the fun. And if you don't like it, don't eat it. Sample small bites, it's fun! But go slow and easy on the band.

After a while, you still have to remind yourself to go slow but you have a better idea of will and won't work.

Also...I don't think we as bandsters will EVER get past the people who just HAVE to comment "is that all you are eating?" or "gosh, you eat SOOO little" or some crap like that. I'll never understand why. It's other people's guilt, I know...but SHEESH!

And yes...your comment about this is a hard habit to break....a year and a half out and I STILL marvel at the ways in which my brain will try to fool me into eating crap that I KNOW is bad for me.

I think Jack calls that something about the dragon.

Eating right and exercising are the best tools to keep the dragon quiet. The dragon never goes away, he'll only go quiet for a while. Keep that in mind.

Congrats on your band and your progress (both mental and physical) thus far!!

**libra** · 01-16-2007, 08:13 AM

I noticed that it forced me to be more social. I was always really shy and hid behind food. Now without that crutch, I have to actually "talk to people!"