AA support

abeaher · 01-07-2008, 01:44 PM

This is a great idea! As so many of us with weight issues having compulsions that have led us to this point.

I will admit that I do not struggle with the compulsion to overeat, although I have had my moments. My struggle is with alcohol, it is my escape from "feeling fat" or being embarrassed in social situations about how I look. I have tried to stop many times and am not successful. At AA and celebrate recovery I got stuck on number 4, I think from just lack of knowledge on how to complete that step. Anyways, it is a terrible habit and my children are starting to reach an age where they are aware of it. I am concerned that this will be my greatest obstacle with the lap band as the eating is not really a big problem. Anyone else who struggles with alcohol? and is having the band or has the band? I would like to hear from you.

alex · 01-07-2008, 04:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by abeaher

This is a great idea! As so many of us with weight issues having compulsions that have led us to this point.

I will admit that I do not struggle with the compulsion to overeat, although I have had my moments. My struggle is with alcohol, it is my escape from "feeling fat" or being embarrassed in social situations about how I look. I have tried to stop many times and am not successful. At AA and celebrate recovery I got stuck on number 4, I think from just lack of knowledge on how to complete that step. Anyways, it is a terrible habit and my children are starting to reach an age where they are aware of it. I am concerned that this will be my greatest obstacle with the lap band as the eating is not really a big problem. Anyone else who struggles with alcohol? and is having the band or has the band? I would like to hear from you.

Ditto! I have lost all compulsion to overeat for many years now (since I've been banded) but I've struggled with *MANY* other addictions for quite a few years. I was in denial for a long time about my addictions and only recently realized that they were affecting my life and the people around me. I decided to nip it in the butt before I hit "rock bottom." I'm a blessed member of AA for 67 days now and when someone suggested that I create a forum just for us addicts I thought it was a fantastic idea.

Rest assured, if you actually reached your weight goal (I have!!) you'll find that you'll find another excuse to drink or get high. An addict is an addict no matter what!!!

I've researched addiction for quite some time and many bandsters actually transfer their food addiction after being banded to drinking or some other addiction. If I'm not mistaken this has been mentioned on LBT before and there have been a few TV shows about this topic.

I think MANY AA members get stuck on the 4th step. I **HIGHLY** suggest that you get yourself a sponsor that has been clean for a while who has experience going through the steps. I find it coincidental that I'm holding at step #4 as well! It entails a little writing and being completely honest with yourself.

Send me a private message if you ever feel like it and we can talk.

juliegeraci · 01-07-2008, 04:26 PM

I am an addict and it got worse after being banded. I drink at least 2 drinks a day and more on the weekends. I am glad we have this thread now.

abeaher · 01-08-2008, 09:27 AM

I must say, I am scared to death about being banded and not being able to give up the alcohol. I come from a long line of Morbidly obese and even super obese alcoholics. I found a website yesterday that has an outline of questions for the 12 steps so I am trying to work through my step four. Man it sucks digging up old dirt that you have buried and "thought" you had overcome. You are right Alex about the sponsor, I find it hard to trust a total stranger that they will not judge me if I mess up. I had a bit of a bad experience the last time I started attending AA meetings. The AA and CR meeting are few and far between where I am and most charge for childcare, with three small kids that part sucks.

alex · 01-08-2008, 10:14 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by abeaher

I must say, I am scared to death about being banded and not being able to give up the alcohol. I come from a long line of Morbidly obese and even super obese alcoholics. I found a website yesterday that has an outline of questions for the 12 steps so I am trying to work through my step four. Man it sucks digging up old dirt that you have buried and "thought" you had overcome. You are right Alex about the sponsor, I find it hard to trust a total stranger that they will not judge me if I mess up. I had a bit of a bad experience the last time I started attending AA meetings. The AA and CR meeting are few and far between where I am and most charge for childcare, with three small kids that part sucks.

I guess I was really lucky. I had a long time friend in AA and I asked him to be my sponsor. He was more than happy to guide me. For me - messing up isn't an option. Relapse is inevitable for most members but I just can't have it in my life.

juliegeraci · 01-09-2008, 11:42 AM

I was sober 16 months and had a relapse about 2 years ago. I really try and control my consumption but it is difficult.

abeaher · 01-09-2008, 11:59 AM

It is really hard, once i start I can't stop. Sometime my binges go on for days. I have gotten to the point where I go without on weekdays, but weekends are difficult and if I get past Friday I always relapse on Sat and then it goes through Sunday and sometimes I don't go to work Monday (that is pretty rare though). You have still been able to loose weight and that is great!

juliegeraci · 01-09-2008, 12:59 PM

Yeah, I know my weight loss hasn't been as much as I would have liked for over 18 months but it is because of all those empty calories. Sometimes I have 2 drinks and other times when I have tequila I'll have a few shots and a couple drinks too. I really do try and only drink 2 drinks but it is difficult to stop. Not sure exactly what I am going to do.

FairyFacade · 01-09-2008, 01:56 PM

Ok pardon my ignorance. I truly am, I don't know much about AA except what I have seen on movies.

I read the 12 steps for OA. Now.. how does that help?
I thought in AA, you make amends, because due to your alcoholism you've hurt people, etc.
But doing this for OA seems like a joke. Seriously, I don't understand?
You apologize to someone because you're fat, ????
I'm not trolling or trying to flame, I'm truly ignorant on the subject and would like educating. Because I think I am addicted to overeating, and I think I've made strides with the band, but the binge times still come, so I'm of course curious for other options. But the 12 steps seems very odd.

abeaher · 01-09-2008, 02:32 PM

Well, I am not an expert on AA or OA, but I can tell you my experience as an addict. I am only 28 years old so I have not really "hurt anyone" with my problem, I just know that I can't control it sometimes. I have neglected some responsibilities or engagements out of embarassment or my desire to indulge in my weakness and for that I make ammends to myself. So you are not apologizing for being fat, you are making ammends for allowing your compulive tendencies to take precidence over more important things in your life.
I don't know if this helps, I am certainly not an expert on the 12 steps, I just thought the same thing on this step because I really had not hurt anyone at this point but myself.

Michee · 01-09-2008, 06:54 PM

I was a member of OA for a few years in the 90's. As far as step 4, making amends - it is not necessarily someone that you have hurt because you are fat. The idea is that you make amends to people that you have hurt, as a way of facing your own truth. Admitting that you have these flaws, forgiving yourself, learning how to live a positive life, so that you dont bury your feelings of guilt by stuffing your face.

Rather a simplified version, but that is my understanding.

alex · 01-09-2008, 07:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Michee

I was a member of OA for a few years in the 90's. As far as step 4, making amends - it is not necessarily someone that you have hurt because you are fat. The idea is that you make amends to people that you have hurt, as a way of facing your own truth. Admitting that you have these flaws, forgiving yourself, learning how to live a positive life, so that you dont bury your feelings of guilt by stuffing your face. Rather a simplified version, but that is my understanding.

I couldn't have said it better. It's more about making amends to yourself. If you've hurt others then this is part of the process. All of us are a product of our past and if you're unhappy now, then something has gone wrong in the past. If you've spent, drank, used drugs or eaten to get away from bad feelings, then it is suggested you look at the cause of these bad feelings. The idea of step 4 is to start to see what is in our character that causes triggers for resentment, guilt, and fear from other people to us or us to other people. It is about learning not to over react.

meggie02162 · 01-10-2008, 11:29 AM

I have been clean and sober for almost 6 years and was just banded a couple months ago. Anyone who needs help with a 4th step I will be glad to help you. I have much experience with the 12 steps and have been through the work 3 times myself. I have found that doing the work out of the book has been esstential. When I was just going to meetings and talking sh*t, my life didn't get any better. When I finally started doing the work as the AA big book outlines, I have never obsessed about drinking or drugging since. It is a miracle that I NEVER wake up and obsess about drinking and drugging. It promises me this if I stay close to God and perform his work well. Anyway, I did a lot of prayer and meditation before deciding on the band. I am very glad that I did it!

meggie02162 · 01-10-2008, 11:47 AM

BTW: the AA big book doesn't say anything about making amends to yourself or triggers. Don't let anyone read your big book for you!! I spend way to much time in all of my addictions being selfish and self-centered and not thinking enough about others...I certainly didn't hurt myself the most...how selfish is it of me to try and tell my family and friends who I robbed emotional security from, that I hurt myself the most? LOL! Alcoholism and Overeating are genetic pre-disposed illness, no situation in my life is the cause of my drinking.

abeaher · 01-10-2008, 12:04 PM

So are you saying that it isn't childhood trauma and learning out of survival to respond to situations in a dysfunctional manner that can trigger my addictive behavior? The roots of my addiction were my morbidly obese and alcoholic family members? I don;t know that I buy that....Sure I recognize that my genes make up who I am, but I think other life events make those characteristics more prominent than others. I am not even through all the steps and have not read the big book, but I thought that the point of the steps was to dig out what makes you do what you do, I could have blamed my addiction on my heredity, but what good would that have done, it is not something I can change and the point is to accept the things you cannot change and change the things you can(I can;'t remember the exact prayer). Am I missing the point of the steps here?
BTW... sobriety of 6 years and so young, that is great! I too am around your age and am encouraged to see your success.