i miscarried.....need advise

sfeiner · 04-01-2008, 05:58 PM

I'm so sorry you lost the baby. From a nurses point of view, I would have the D&C. The sooner the better. A lot of times you would need it anyway because what they call "the products of conception" don't completely pass and to prevent further problems a D&C is done. I really don't know why the Dr put you in the position of making that decision. After you recover, you can try again. So I would take care of it ASAP

heartfire · 04-01-2008, 06:34 PM

I'm so very sorry that you're having to go through this. I can't say I know what you are going through, even if I'd ever had a miscarriage, I wouldn't really know what you are feeling. I do know how hard it is to try so hard for a baby and have it not happen. DH and I are infertile (yes, both of us) and we did an IVF. I remember how it felt when I started my period the afternoon I had the pregnancy test. Obviously the test was negative.

There was a huge feeling of loss and grief. Those 4 embryos meant something.

As far as having to decide whether or not to have a D&C, I would actually say, do it. You are at risk for infection, you need to get everything out and I think it's been too long for you to deal with this as it is. Just my opinion.

As far as your DH, men deal with things differently. It's hard. On both of you. You've also got your hormones to deal with on top of dealing with your grief. And please know that people are going to say stupid things to you. Part of the problem is that they need to say something but don't know what to say so stupid ends up falling out of their mouths instead.

None of this was your fault. Please try not to deck anyone who says otherwise.

Please take care of yourself and take all the time you need in order to grieve. I don't know about your belief system but to me, this was a baby at conception and you have all the right in the world to grieve for as long as you need to.

Best wishes to you and your DH. Let us know how you're doing.

momof321 · 04-01-2008, 09:02 PM

I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my baby Nov 2007, I also found out by u/s that the baby had died. I waited a week to make sure there was no mistake and then I had a d&c. That week was very hard, I am so sorry you are ging thru this. I really had no problems with the d & c. I took it easy that day of course I was heart broken so I really didn't want to do anything but it was physically an easy prodedure. I will say a prayer for you and your family. I wish I could do more to help. You are in my thoughts

**Wheetsin** · 04-01-2008, 09:58 PM

Quote:

my boss had the gall to tell me that i had to have known this was a possibility, i guess because i am fat.

To play devil's advocate, it could have been a retarded comment from a lame person just trying to point out that miscarriages do frequently happen. *shrug* On the other hand, if he or she ever does relate it concretely to you being overweight, go right to your HR department and do not compromise.

bandster_1007 · 04-03-2008, 08:34 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wheetsin

To play devil's advocate, it could have been a retarded comment from a lame person just trying to point out that miscarriages do frequently happen. *shrug* On the other hand, if he or she ever does relate it concretely to you being overweight, go right to your HR department and do not compromise.

i'm shrugging it off as ignorant people who really don't know what to say..although she did add "because of your health" to it. which irritated me, but hwatever. she is talking about being overweight and all the things that go along with it, although all of my comorbidities have been obselete since losing 15 lbs (bp, blood sugar, etc.).

i'm really feeling better emotionally. i'm been sitting aroudn the house for 36 hours in a lot of pain in my back and shoulders. not sure if it has to do with the pregnancy or not. no bleeding, no sign of mucus thinning, nothing.... so i wait.... today they call to confirm that the blood work says the pregnancy is in fact lost. i know i should hold out hope, but i am even though i know that it is only going to cause me to go through this again. i can't help but hold on to the idea, that maybe just maybe she was wrong. i mean, the embryo measured 6 weeks and according to my research it is not a given that the heartbeat would be seen at such a time. i'm also hoping that maybe she was looking at my last period date of october to base her diagnosis, although i told her there was no way i could be that far along. the last 2 times i've gotten pregnant i got pregnant during a period where i was not having any periods. weird..i know.

i will let you guys know the results ....even though we all probably know what they are.

this forum has been more help for me that i could have ever imagined. people who have to see you in their day to day lives have a harder time dealing with it.

funny thing, my husband has this one friend, and a brother, and a dad, who have been particularly worried about me. each one of them has came by the house every day to see if i need anything. his friend came by and tried to get me out of the house to go get something to eat. amazing, the men, i figured would be the ones to avoid it all completely, instead they are the one worried about it. and they don't mind talking abotu it. they ask me what i'm going to do, if i'm going to have surgery, if losing the baby is painful (you know they dno't know). it's amazing to me. i have friends that have just told me they can't talk about it because they don't know what to say. but i was really shocked to find the men in my husband's life to be the ones who are openly supportive and curious. ( my mom is too of course, she calls constantly, but she lives a little while away).

my step sister has been a great help through all of this too. she delivered her stillborn baby at 7 months a year ago. she knew her baby was going to die, and she walked around for 3 months waiting for it to happen. i felt guilty at first talking to her about it, because it is just causing her to relive the whole situation, but it seems to be quite therapeutic for her too. things that she would not tell me then because she did not think i would understand, she tells me now. i feel like my pain is nothing in comparison to her, but she assures me that it is all the same.

ok, i'm rambling, trying to avoid crying again, so i'm going back to bed, where i have been staying...in the dark.. :) i'm giving myself time to be depressed...

Apples2 · 04-03-2008, 08:45 AM

Bandster1007...thinking of you. Hope you are feeling stronger. It's never easy. Take care of yourself.

AliOop · 04-08-2008, 09:12 PM

I'm so sorry and thinking of you. I've had 3 early miscarriages...had one natural m/c, one d&c, and one that was "induced" with some pills inserted down there. My doctor said it was important to keep the uterus as pristine as possible, i.e., that a d&c probably wasn't my best option. It is a tough decision. The pills worked like a charm, though, and induced the m/c within a few hours. Then, I could get it over with.

losingitforlife · 04-09-2008, 11:24 PM

I have had a lot of years of dealing with Infertility and miscarriages. It is so hard and I'm so sorry for your loss! I have this book...
Empty Womb, Aching Heart: Hope and Help for Those Struggling With Infertility (Paperback)
by

Marlo Schalesky (Author)
I just found it again on Amazon.com. I really love the way it deals with all sides of infertility from losing a baby to never getting pregnant. Maybe your library has a copy you can get right away? Of course you need to do what is right for you but just to let you know I've had 3 miscarriages and D&C with all of them. It was just too painful for me to do the "wait and see" approach. I'm praying this time will pass quickly for you.

bandster_1007 · 04-11-2008, 07:43 AM

well...i stuck with the wait and see approach, and i started bleeding on saturday, had horrible contractions, ended up in the er sunday night for a demerol shot,went back home, shot wore off, and finally at 3 a.m. Tuesday morning, i was having contractions, full, that were 3 minutes apart, and i passed a clot the size of a grapefruit, then body continues with contractions for a couple of hours. i should have went to the er that night. that is the most excruciating pain i have ever been through. then i keep hurting and bleeding, i go to the doctor yesterday and i have PELVIC INFLAMMATORY DISEASE. well, it HURTS LIKE HELL. should've had a d&c, i will if this ever happens again, it is simply too much to go through.

losingitforlife · 04-11-2008, 11:16 AM

Oh, I had no idea that's what happens. I'm so sorry. Praying for a quick recovery for you.

Long2BFree · 04-11-2008, 09:48 PM

I'm so sorry for your loss and what you are going through emotionally and physically. (((HUG)))

heartfire · 04-12-2008, 12:26 PM

bandster_1007,

I'm so sorry it was so physically difficult for you. I am glad though that that part of it is finally over for you. Please take the time you need to heal and grieve. It's important. Take care.

M

bandster_1007 · 07-08-2008, 11:45 AM

update on what happened...we are now looking into sueing the doctor.

went 10 weeks, still bleeding, more cramping. had already been treated for 3 uterine infections. sick of doctor. finally the tuesday after memorial day weekend i went to er with fever of 102 severe cramping and chills. they found "products of conception" lodged in my cervix. the er doctor removed it and pressed on my uterus to get the "fluid" out. i told er doctor the my ob/gyn assured me that there was no way products of conception could be in my uterus because my hcg levels were too low. she said, well she is wrong. the er doctor wanted to admit me that day and do iv anibiotics, but my doctor (i told them i didn't want to deal with her) said no send her to me. so i went sick as a dog and sat 3 HOURS in her waiting room just to see her and she say, it's another infection, here is your 4th round of doxicycline. and by the way, the er doctor didn't know what she was talking about, i'm an expert and there is no way products of conception were remaining.

friday, my doctor calls, and i have mrsa in my uterus. WHAT??? i freaked, changed, doctors. 4 different antibiotics and 3 weeks later, he admitted me because i was still having fever, etc. (he had done an ultrasound and didn't see anything, but he gave me pills to cause my uterus to empty, and i was still hurting). so he did surgery after a day in the hospital..my uterus was FULL of...you guessed it, products of conception. while he was in there he did ovarian drilling procedure because i had hundreds of cysts on each ovary.

so, 9 1/2 weeks of work missed because of one stupid doctor. i'm now malnurished because i wouldn't eat and band was tight. couldn't get unfilled because i had mrsa (staph). when you have that you can't take a risk of cross contamination. i'm also anemic because she let me bleed for 10 weeks.

i'm finally back at work....this is my 2nd week.

if you feel your doctor is not treating you right, you are probably right.

heartfire · 07-08-2008, 11:57 AM

Oh My Gosh! I don't even know what to say! Thank GOD you're okay now! What a horrible ordeal! I'm sitting here with my mouth open, in shock!

I'd definitely check with the medical board and a medical lawyer. I'm not one for suing but this is a case where I'd at least look into it. Has the doctor said anything about your prognosis and maybe conceiving again or is it too soon to tell? I'm surprised you didn't end up with a full hysterectomy after all of this.

Please try to take good care of yourself. Keep us updated on how you're doing.

MicheleK · 07-08-2008, 12:05 PM

I'm so sorry you had to go through that! What a nightmare. I'm praying that you'll feel better soon. Please keep us posted on your progress.