i miscarried.....need advise

bandster_1007 · 04-01-2008, 11:27 AM

i am approximately 2.5 months pregnant, but my embryo died at 6 weeks. we found out yesterday via an vaginal ultrasound that the embryo does not have a heartbeat. i find out thursday if my blood work confirms it. (my hcg levels have to be going down).

i'm devastated. i never knew it would be this hard, but now i have another decision to make. my doctor wants me to decide if i want a d & c or if i want to wait for it to pass. i don't know if i can walk around every day waiting for it to happen. it's hard enough now because i know it is still in there. it's already been several weeks and no sign of miscarriage.

FairyFacade · 04-01-2008, 11:30 AM

((HUGS))
Sorry for your loss :o(

**Wheetsin** · 04-01-2008, 11:35 AM

Are you familiar with the D&C -- its pros, cons, what to expects, etc? If not, find a reliable source of information and study up on it. It can certainly have advantages (and be advocated by doctors in some cases), but there are downsides to it as well. My mother had several miscarriages, and in some cases says she wished she had one, and in another wished she did not... part of her decisions being based on she didn't really understand what it did, what it could show, etc.

**Kat817** · 04-01-2008, 11:43 AM

When I miscarried many years ago, a D& C was standard. It was not a difficult recovery.

One thing I didn't consider when having the D & C done, was that the D----was dilation-----so a year later when I went into labor, with a full term pregnancy---our LaMaze teacher told us how first time deliveries take longer etc. So I went into it thinking I had plenty of time. I got to the hospital and was 2cm. dilated, and delivered an almost 9 pound baby less than 35 minutes later!
Point being, your body often dilates faster after the first time....which is why often 2nd babies come so much quicker. The D & C works the same on your body.

Miscarriage is difficult----it is an emotional and a physical pain, that many cannot relate to. It is not something others can see, so often they have no idea, and even when they do, they have no idea how to respond. Same as you would have not had any idea if it were a friend of yours. You need so much right now, and none of it, anything anyone can give you. My heart goes out to you.....

Kat

**losingjusme** · 04-01-2008, 11:56 AM

i am so sorry for your loss.

bandster_1007 · 04-01-2008, 11:58 AM

thank you.

i do know the risks of the d&C, i even have had one when i was 12. i remember it being painful, but i had a laproscopic surgery for endometriosis at the same time.

i want to do it naturally, but i don't know how long i can walk around with a dead baby in me. it seems like mental torment, you know....if the doctor is right and the embryo is measuring 6 weeks without a heartbeat then i've already been walking around this way for a few weeks, and my pcp says miscarriage usually happens within 72 hours. well, apparantely i had a missed miscarriage.

kat, you are right, i do feel so alone. my husband is just as upset as i am, but he is managing to at least act like he is doing ok. my boss had the gall to tell me that i had to have known this was a possibility, i guess because i am fat. i can't help but blame myself even though i know there is probably nothing that i could do. it just doesnt' all seem real yet...you know..i keep forgetting that i'm not really pregnant anymore.

Apples2 · 04-01-2008, 12:02 PM

So sorry to hear what you are going through. I was told by my doc after a miscarraige that a D&C would be best for the health of my uterus. I am sure at this time you are devastated. Thinking of you. Hugs.

jillrn · 04-01-2008, 01:04 PM

I am so sorry! (HUGS) I am not sure what I would do. I guess I would probably wait to see if happened on its own. But I havent been in your shoes, I am sure it is so hard. Take care of yourself.

Ariel · 04-01-2008, 01:13 PM

I'm so sorry for your loss. This is a very personal decision and I wish you luck with it.

bookaddict · 04-01-2008, 01:53 PM

I lost my baby in January at 11 weeks, so I know what you are going through. Like you, we found out via u/s, there was no indication anything was wrong.

Just wanted to say, you are not alone. I am still trying to deal with the grief myself.
Sharon

bookaddict · 04-01-2008, 01:55 PM

When I had my D&C I was put under with general anesthesia. No physical pain, just crampy afterwards.

Since I had a missed miscarriage, my doc said it could take up to a month for my body to figure it out and miscarry on my own. I was heart broken and couldn't handle carrying the baby for that long. It was awful just waiting through the weekend. Also, at that point you are risking infection too.

But, follow your heart and do what is best for YOU.
Sharon

Scarlett O'hara · 04-01-2008, 02:14 PM

I am so sorry for your loss. It is very sad and you have a right to mourn. I promise you things will get better.
Do what feels right for you.

Your boss is an ass & this did not happen b/c you are overweight!

**Kat817** · 04-01-2008, 04:04 PM

Some people try to find a reason to blame you regardless. When I had my miscarriage in the early 80's--I was stick skinny-------and had people say I didn't eat enough....morons.....

Please know we are here anytime, and you can come here and say the things you feel, without causing anyone else anymore pain.....All we can offer is cyber hugs.....but they are plentiful!

Kat

bandster_1007 · 04-01-2008, 04:30 PM

thank you.

luluc · 04-01-2008, 05:13 PM

Very sorry for your loss - I've had 4 miscarriages & 2 D/C's; both of those were when I was past 2 months. It's never an easy discision...Sending good thoughts your way!!