I am really struggling

Hi everyone. Sorry to whine again.

I am really thinking that I made a poor choice getting banded. Maybe I am just one of the people that it will not work for. I have gone into a deep depression. I am still able to eat just about anything. I am frustrated because I fired my surgeon and no other surgeons in the Arlington area will give me a fill for three months. Three months? Why did I get the band if they can't adjust it for me? I am having a terrible time controlling myself. I eat something I shouldn't, then get guilty and ashamed. I am really thinking I made a terrible, terrible mistake.

Does anyone have any advice that might be helpful? I am really depressed.

I was/am in the same position as you. My Dr made me wait 16 weeks for my first fill of only .5cc's and I am supposed to wait 16 more weeks before getting another one. I can eat anything at all and in large amounts...That being said...I am doing really well...I was on a pre/post Op liquid diet that helped me shed about 20 lbs...It seemed that was the motivation I needed...I'm now down a total of 45 lbs since January. At first it felt really slow...But it's picking up now and I'm really starting to notice. This is my advice to you...Try, Try, Try your very hardest for a bit longer...Make healthy food choices and get some excersize...It's easier said than done I know...but once the weight starts coming off it is motivating...and when you do go in for that fill in 3 months you will be down 15 pounds or so rather than up...Then the fills should start to kick in and things will get easier and easier for you...Give it some real effort...You will be so proud of yourself...and you'll be feeling better...That will keep you on track...And since you still have a large appetite right now...Pick one day of the week and have a great meal out at your favorite restuarant...Then get right back on track...

You can do this! No one ever said it would be easy, and I'm sure we have all experienced similar feeling. Two weeks after surgery, my doctor told me to let him worry about me losing weight. He said my job was to focus on healing my body. Once my body was healed, he told me to worry about learning how to eat the right foods and how to change my behaviors. I too do not feel very restricted (I've had one fill), and there have been days when I've wondered if I'm losing weight fast enough. But then I remind myself that the band is not a magic wand--it's just a tool, and it's up to me what I do with that tool.

If you are really struggling with depression through this, you might want to reach out to a counselor (did you see one pre-op)? It might help you to be able to talk openly and honestly about what's going on. I went to a great counselor pre-op, and I told her that I wanted to be able to call and schedule an appointment with her post surgery if I needed to. I haven't yet, but I know that she is there if I need her. Also, I journaled some when I was feeling a little depressed after my surgery, and it helped to get my feelings on paper. I also keep a food, drink and exercise log to stay on top of what I'm putting in my body.

You really can do it! It's normal to have these feelings.

Thank you for the kind words.

I found another dcotor that will do a fill for me on 6/11. I have to pay $250 patient fee. He charges that for having to pick up for another doctor. I have heard good things about this doctor. He did my friend's surgery.

I do suffer from depression, and I am treated for it, but I wasn't really prepared for this feeling of defeat. I think that all I went through with the doctor didn't help. I just have to try to think positively about all of this.

80's chick,
I am sorry to hear you are having such trouble, but first off there is NO REASON to count yourself down now. You haven't been banded long enough to call yourself a failure chick!

You need to understand that being depressed is going to make your food choices harder. The #1 thing you need to do is to take temptation away from you as much as possible. Clean out your house, and try to get your head straight.

You can do this, you got banded for a reason. Everytime you want to make a bad food choice REMEMBER THAT REASON! Read every label, of everything you put into your mouth. It is a good way to stop yourself, trust me!

We all get into that beat myself up mode, but don't let yourself stay in it. It sucks and you will hurt yourself more. Love yourself more than food, you are worth it!

Hugs, you can do this!

Hang in there. You can't be angry at yourself if you're not properly filled. The wait time before your next fill is a setback but it's not over. The band is a lifetime journey, setbacks will happen. Just keep focus and do the best you can until you get the proper restriction. And don't beat yourself up.

Depression is a real thing and often we self medicate by eating. With your eating habits all over the place and lack of consistency you probably really are feeling your depression...in full swing.

Also, shedding weight is hard stuff... and the more weight you lose the more you will be confronted with deep emotional triggers. Even Oprah has talked about losing weight and emotional cleansing!

I think your feeling some emotional upset and angry at your surgeon. Why did you fire him?

Deb

I had to fire my surgeon because he was not properly treating me and after the ordeal that he put me through at the hospital I don't want to see him anymore.

I really hope that things improve after the fill. I am currently eating for the wrong reasons. I know better but I am making the wrong choices. It is hard to "catch" myself in the moment. I almost always make the bad choice and feel guilty later.

Hello 80's chick!
You are not a failure. I applaude you for your honesty. I too am an all or nothing personality but I'm working on that and I'm sure you are too. It takes lots of time- in fact a lifetime for some of us. I still have the tendency, okay, huge tendency, to be all or nothing when it comes to weight, but I recognize it now and I forgive myself. I suggest that you look into your life and see if you have given weight your reason for happiness or not. I had given my weight entirely too much control over my happiness. When in reality, it should have nothing to do with my happiness. I still eat when I'm not hungry, I eat the "wrong" foods and I don't follow many of the band "rules". But, over time, I have gone from more bad habits to more good habits and that has given me the results I was looking for.
I have yo-yo'd many times in the past. Each time I got a little better at maintenance, meaning I kept the weight off a little longer, but eventually I reverted. That was my reason for chosing the band and I haven't had it long enough to know if it's my "final" answer. I do know though that IT is not my final answer, but IT stops me when I binge and that has been my biggest reason for re-gain. With the band I've been able to recognize every time I over eat- no one can miss the PBing or discomfort. This leads me to think things over, and try again, but I get to try again before its 20, 30 or more lbs put back on. I've slowly incorporated exercise. I'm not a gym nut. I've learned what is do-able for me.
You just took a huge leap and got the band. It will need another fill to get proper restriction. Maybe more. I only had 2 fills- others had quite a few. I regained most of my pre-op loss before I was properly filled, but it didn't change the fact that I made it to goal. It proved that my habits hadn't changed yet. I suggest that the very first thing you do is locate yourself a fill Dr near you. I didn't get my fills from my surgeon simply b/c I wanted my fills to be more convenient than a flight in case I needed lots of fills- turned out I didn't need but the 2, but I didn't know this when I was first banded. I found a holistic Dr nearby from OCC's website. It does not have to be a bariatic surgeon- use these boards for guidance.
You've just taken a huge leap in a positive direction by getting the band. Now take babysteps changing your life. IMHO, you can't just get the band and say, I just spent X dollars so it's going to work. Money has nothing to do with it's success the same as weight has nothing to do with your worthiness of happiness. You have to say, I'm going to work at this until it's mastered. Make your environment positive. Read good books, fill your house with healthy food. Visit healthy websites, listen to positive radio- I love Oprah and friends on XM. Accept that your progress is YOUR JOURNEY. You might get to goal in 6 months and you might take 2 years. Who cares.....really. You need to have happiness now and start analyzing what will make this happen for you and lastly, keep a journal so you know can have a clear picture of what needs to change. Do not use your journal to criticize yourself. Please don't criticize yourself. Believe in yourself, love yourself and spoil yourself.

Judy, thank you for the very encouraging words. I am definitely going thru a rough spot now. I am working out so hopefully that will help some until I get my fill. It is just hard to see so many people, here and people I know, losing and losing and I am barely losing at all. I think it will be better after I get a fill. Hopefully I will eat a little less. I am taking phys ed as one of my summer courses so I have to workout three days a week now. I am also trying to focus on healthier food choices but it is really hard. All I can say is that I am trying, right? I have been going through a depression but hopefully working out will resolve that and I see the new doctor next week!!