wondering if others have noticed this?

marineliebe · 04-19-2008, 09:30 PM

have any of you guys had more of a negative feed back about getting the band from your thin/skinny friends rather than your heavier friends? I'm wondering if its just a coincidence that my thinner friends are the ones who are not supportive and my heavier friends are the ones saying go for it. any thoughts?

Rubyjade · 04-19-2008, 10:48 PM

HAHAHA YEP YEP YEP!!!!!! I can totally relate to this. As a 'pretty girl' which I can see by your picture, it's justified from their point of view. It doesn't make it right of course but I get it. I was always told what a pretty face I had and that if I had 'lost weight I would be a knockout'. Gee, Thanks!! It's just human nature I'm afraid. Someone elses self improvement reflects on others and their self worth. Plus there is the issue that skinny friends do NOT understand the desperation either because they have never been there. That I think, is the most of it. They don't understand and that is fair enough. But you follow what is right for you as I did and you will hopefully find that the ones that were the biggest doubters become some of the best support buddies you could wish for!!!

ReadySteadyGo · 04-19-2008, 11:57 PM

Its been kind of the opposite for me. My thin friends are super supportive but my heavier friends make comments like. "I'm doing it the hard way" or "I wouldn't want to do that to myself"

Jachut · 04-20-2008, 12:38 AM

I think that thin people just dont "get it" often. They seriously cannot understand why you cant just stop eating, and exercise more. They figure they work at being healthy (well some people do) or they dont HAVE to work at it, they're naturally thin and they simply cannot understand what it is like to have an abnormal appetite and gain weight easily. To them, they figure why would you need to have surgery, for crying out loud, just STOP EATING.

Sometimes it is jealousy and wanting to remain the "thin" one and there are plenty of parasites out there that feed off you to make themselves feel good. But I find myself doing it now, my sister struggles with her weight a bit and I find myself thinking, just stop eating so much! I've even forgotten what it was like myself!

Rubyjade · 04-20-2008, 11:13 AM

Ooooooooooooh that is the thing I cannot stand the most - someone saying they are doing it 'the hard way'!!!!!!! That p@#$%$ me off so much!!! Yeah cos I don't know about you guys but getting to 360lbs and feeling like you are eating yourself to death with no way out and then going in to have surgery where you risk complications and can't eat like a 'normal' person for the rest of your life sure does not feel like the 'easy way' to me!! Does anyone else feel insulted by people saying this or am I just over reacting? It is possible....... hahhaha!!!

Jachut · 04-20-2008, 04:26 PM

You even get it from other overweight people though. My girlfriend, who is about five foot four and would HAVE to be 300lb, shakes her head and shudders and said "I couldnt do that". Yet she moans about her weight constantly. She's obviously getting very unfit, at 40 its starting to affect her health and yet she's quite scornful and even jealous of it. But she says she'll do it the proper way or not at all.

Her loss, not mine.

marineliebe · 04-20-2008, 04:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rubyjade

HAHAHA YEP YEP YEP!!!!!! I can totally relate to this. As a 'pretty girl' which I can see by your picture, it's justified from their point of view. It doesn't make it right of course but I get it. I was always told what a pretty face I had and that if I had 'lost weight I would be a knockout'. Gee, Thanks!! It's just human nature I'm afraid. Someone elses self improvement reflects on others and their self worth. Plus there is the issue that skinny friends do NOT understand the desperation either because they have never been there. That I think, is the most of it. They don't understand and that is fair enough. But you follow what is right for you as I did and you will hopefully find that the ones that were the biggest doubters become some of the best support buddies you could wish for!!!

yea i have gotten the same thing "you have a pretty face" aka your body looks horrable. and your not the only one that gets mad at the "easy way out" comment. my best friends bf said that to me and it really hurt my feelings and then i had to explain why i was doing it etc and i had to explain the actual way the surgery worked! he was jumping all over me without even knowing his facts...that really bugs me. what we are doing is not easy...its hard work.

Boo Boo Kitty · 04-20-2008, 05:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jachut

You even get it from other overweight people though. My girlfriend, who is about five foot four and would HAVE to be 300lb, shakes her head and shudders and said "I couldnt do that". Yet she moans about her weight constantly. She's obviously getting very unfit, at 40 its starting to affect her health and yet she's quite scornful and even jealous of it. But she says she'll do it the proper way or not at all.

Her loss, not mine.

I have a friend like that. But I can say that after all of my weight loss and success she is contemplating it! lol...so they can be turned around.

It completely sucks that someone you need to support you chooses not to, but remember it is theit choice. They can either be supportive of you, or jump in a lake! Don't let them bring YOU down to their level! Good luck!

Bea1128 · 04-20-2008, 05:10 PM

I hate the "easy way out" comment as well. It's ridiculous. If this is easy I'd hate to see hard.

One of my very best friends is a man who has a beautiful daughter who is a little pudgy, but she's only 5. Anyway, he says to me one day, not long ago, that he's afraid she'll have a weight problem but that's okay because she's going to be one those "beautiful, fat girls who everyone loves". He then goes on to tell me that he adores those types of girls who have been some of his best friends. He didn't mean it in a bad way, but it felt like he ripped my heart out. I never realized that's what he thought of me...the fat girl everyone loves. Well I decided I wasn't going to be that girl anymore. I want to be the "healthy, fun, outgoing girl" I know I can be. Some people do not realize how their comments can affect others. And some of those friends can never understand until they've walked a mile in our shoes.

Boo Boo Kitty · 04-20-2008, 05:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bea1128

I hate the "easy way out" comment as well. It's ridiculous. If this is easy I'd hate to see hard.

One of my very best friends is a man who has a beautiful daughter who is a little pudgy, but she's only 5. Anyway, he says to me one day, not long ago, that he's afraid she'll have a weight problem but that's okay because she's going to be one those "beautiful, fat girls who everyone loves". He then goes on to tell me that he adores those types of girls who have been some of his best friends. He didn't mean it in a bad way, but it felt like he ripped my heart out. I never realized that's what he thought of me...the fat girl everyone loves. Well I decided I wasn't going to be that girl anymore. I want to be the "healthy, fun, outgoing girl" I know I can be. Some people do not realize how their comments can affect others. And some of those friends can never understand until they've walked a mile in our shoes.

Yeah, I was the beautiful fat girl that everyone loved. Now I am clueless as to who I am. Not a good way to raise his daughter. Everyone loves the fat girl, but no one wants to really love her sometimes. Very sad!

Angelyco · 04-21-2008, 08:54 AM

So far of the people I've told at work that I'm getting the Lap Band, only one person was really against it, and she's the second heaviest in the company (but she's still not huge, maybe around 200-220?). Everyone else has been really supportive and curious about how it works, what I'll be able to eat, etc.

The only person I'll ever refuse to tell is my mom (who is thin), because I won't get any support from here, been there, done that, and partially blame her for my last weight loss attempt failing horribly.

laurenwhite82 · 04-21-2008, 01:15 PM

I also feel like this is part of my identity, and I cant imagine how weird it will be to not be the way I am now! My GP has helped a lot of people through their 6 month requirement and she mentioned that it would be very strange receiving more positive attention all the time, and that some people have major problems adjusting to this. I had never thought aobut it before, but I, like a lot of others here, have been heavy since childhood and have always been the "funny fat girl." I am an opera singer and I even see it in the roles I get. I literally got a role once that was described in the score as "a large woman in the balcony!" As insulting as this may be, I try not to take it personally. I also get the, "but you have a beautiful face" comments. I also know that people dont really understand that what they are saying can be offensive, so I try to give them the benefit of the doubt. I have had overwhelming support regarding the lap band and hope it stays that way, but, like I said, it will be totally weird afterward...I just know it will...

BikiniBeachy · 04-23-2008, 07:45 PM

I totally know what you mean. Sometimes I feel like my thin friends want me to stay overweight because of some hidden envy or insecurity, anyone second that thought?

marineliebe · 04-23-2008, 10:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BikiniBeachy

I totally know what you mean. Sometimes I feel like my thin friends want me to stay overweight because of some hidden envy or insecurity, anyone second that thought?

yup i do! i kinda think it goes back to the whole "funny fat girl" thing. we already have the whole package minus the body...our personalities are awesome (and i'm generalizing here....) so we will all be dead knockouts once we lose the extra weight!

then WE will be the competition. ??

BikiniBeachy · 04-23-2008, 11:52 PM

I love u marine. You hit it dead on :)