losing friends?

msjessy · 06-06-2008, 09:51 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by msjessy

I guess I've had a similar (or opposite) situation, depending on how you look at it.

My best friend is also overweight. She quietly went thru all of the testing and surgery without saying anything to me. She didn't say anything about the surgery until a week after it was done, and that was ONLY because I told her that I was thinking of having it done and started telling her about the seminar I went to, and the Dr that I was using. She really only jumped out and said something bc it is the same doctor/facility we are using.

So while I wish I could have been there for her, she didn't allow me to be.

Now that I am going thru this journey I could really use her support (especially since she knows EXACTLY what to expect) but she no longer will return my phone calls or emails! And she's changed her work schedule so I no longer know when she is home. (And stalking her just doesn't fit into my busy schedule

)

She lost 15 pounds in the first week after surgery (the last week of February), and that was the last time I talked to her. We've been friends for almost 10 years.

So last night I just decided that I was going to go to her house and hope that she was there. While she was not there when I arrived her darling mother was, who saw me parked in my car across the street and came out of her house to welcome me in. We chit-chatted and then my friend came home. She was surprised to see me there, especially since I did not call ahead, but she seamed happy.

I didn't really question why she never returned my phone calls. I kind of dismissed it and said, Oh I wanted to see you because we've been playing phone-tag for a few weeks.

But all is well. We ended up talking for 3 hours or so. She's two months out and has lost 40+ pounds. She looks amazing. We are so excited for each other.

LilMissBand-Aid · 06-06-2008, 10:21 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by msjessy

So last night I just decided that I was going to go to her house and hope that she was there. While she was not there when I arrived her darling mother was, who saw me parked in my car across the street and came out of her house to welcome me in. We chit-chatted and then my friend came home. She was surprised to see me there, especially since I did not call ahead, but she seamed happy.

I didn't really question why she never returned my phone calls. I kind of dismissed it and said, Oh I wanted to see you because we've been playing phone-tag for a few weeks.

But all is well. We ended up talking for 3 hours or so. She's two months out and has lost 40+ pounds. She looks amazing. We are so excited for each other.

I'm glad to hear that you were able to connect. Sometimes in our lives we have to take time out for ME. I sincerely don't believe your good friend did that to be mean to you at all. She probably was just busy and concentrating on one's self can take up all the time you have in the day.

marineliebe · 06-07-2008, 12:26 AM

msjessy I'm soooo glad things worked out b/t you and your friend! looks like now you guys can support eachother though this! i wish i had someone close to talk to!

janesays · 06-12-2008, 05:00 PM

Almost all of my friends are of a healthy or "normal" weight. I'm not really planning on telling very many of them when I get the surgery. However, the other day I was hanging out with my best friend (who is my height but much skinnier) after working out and laying by the pool. She was telling me about her grandma who is trying to lose weight and looking at riskier surgeries, and we got on the subject of the Lap Band. She asked me if I would ever do it if I needed it, and it just sort of came out. I'm so glad I told her because we share almost everything, and this is going to be a major part of my life from now on. It was just a huge relief, especially because she said she'd support me no matter what.

Her only complaint-- she said she was going to miss my boobs! (My nickname in our high school circle was "jugs"... I sure a lot of you can relate). I said me too!

anniedub · 06-13-2008, 10:57 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by drew05

I read this thread a while back and I was putting some more thought in to it... and I could see a few of my friends kind of falling to the wayside because of my weight loss. Now, none of these are going to be my great friends or any of my female friends, but some of my fellow guy friends who would see me as competition. A lot of them like to go to clubs and bars with me because I make girls feel comfortable. I'm funny and I'm not always trying to get in their pants. But I could see those same guys not wanting to hang out with me because I could be competition. And to that I say oh well. If they were true friends they would still be there.

Hey Drew,

I have the girly version of that -- some of my female friends just love taking me out to clubs etc, because (and one of them told me this to my face) "I make THEM look better by comparison".

Sorry, should I say ex-friends?

I kicked those bitches to the kerb about 6 months ago, before I decided on surgery. Just wasn't worth it. I had been friends with them since school, and I went from 135lbs at school to almost double that.

So anyway, I started postgraduate university and found myself a new crew. They love me the way I am, they don't know i've had Lap Band (no-one other than my parents and my brother do) but they know i'm losing weight, and they are 150% behind me.

Even if some of your friends treat you differently when you lose weight, they're probably not your real friends. Your real friends will be the ones telling all the sexy guys "Hey, see this lady? She is SINGLE. Get in there!"
(One of my friends did this on saturday night. Embarrassing, but a helluva ego boost. Especially when he came over and bought me a drink

)

Well, maybe you're friends won't be alerting sexy guys of your presence. Unless you're that way inclined.

So anyway, my rant is over. But i think the message is when you change your life as drastically as we will, you find out who your true friends are!

kloey · 07-22-2008, 09:00 AM

I am somewhat concerned about this issue. I'm annoyed to think of the drama which will be created when I do shed the weight. My family is extremely competitive. Being that I've been large since my childhood, I've never posed a threat in the physical sense. My sister-in-law was fairly slender. She's picked up a few pounds since and though she wants to lose weight, she discourages me from doing so. My mother wants me to lose weight, but there's this edge to it. What will she find to harp on when I've lost the weight? I don't think that anyone wishes me any harm, but unconsciously, I think they've come to depend upon being cute by default in comparison to me.

My friend's mother has always urged her to lose weight so she'll look better than I do. I think that is wretchedly silly. I have supported my friend's attempt at weight loss because I want to see her happy and healthy. I don't understand why people would begrudge a person those basic states.

In any event, I have decided to be positive. In the event that I do lose friends, I'll simply connect with new ones. If my family gives me a hard time, I'll define the problem, advise them of a solution and allow them to make the changes necessary to accept the situation.