Anxiety SUCKS!!!

Okay all, I think I must be the biggest wimp! I was starting to get a little crazy last night thinking about the 6th. Nothing I couldn't stuff to the bottom of the priority list but there was a definite weight on my heart about this.

I ignored it and went to bed. This morning I wake up with a tremendous headache. I thought my head was going to explode. Of course I HAVE to ignore that because I only have a half day at work today and I have a ton to do to get ready to be gone Thurs. and Fri. still. Then my son wakes up and he has diarhea. Lord help me, can anything else go wrong? Well, DH says its not problem and everything will be fine, but I can't help thinking that what lousy mother would leave her sick child to go have elective surgery. It's not like it's going to kill me if I don't have surgery tomorrow.

So I have to go to work and I'm driving along and the headache is getting worse because I know I shouldn't be going and I know I should be at home with my little one, and I don't want to cancel surgery, and I'm being selfish, and my MIL shouldn't have to deal with this, and I really have gone through hell for two weeks to turn back now, and, and, and..... well, if your head isn't spinning after that, mine was. So I pull over and have a full fledged panic attack. Never had one of those before.

It got so bad that I pulled out a candy bar my son had in the vehicle and took a bite....and I chewed....and I chewed....and I chewed....and spit it out. I called my school and said they would have to do something without me the rest of the week and then called hubby to come get me because I was hyperventilating and didn't think I should drive.

Well that was 3 hours ago. I took a shower, a bath, and then a nap...and now I feel much better. I called my coordinator and she said, "If you weren't having anxiety, we'd be worried about you." She stepped me through all the reasons I was probably feeling these things and talked me calm.

I'm better now and thought I would share this story so that if any of the other up and comers feel this way, they'll know they aren't alone. I almost feel guilty I'm such a wimp, but there is my mea culpa.

Steph

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Stephanie

Well if you are a wimp so am I, and whats worse i have had the surgery and I am still a wimp!! You are not a bad mother for having surgery and it is certainly not selfish. You are having this surgery so that you can have more time and a better time with your family. If you don't have the surgery will this make your time with your son any more special, will it give you more energy to spend time with him, will it help you live a longer healthier life for him - NO IT WON'T. This op is for you, but it is also for your son, your husband and all those who love and know you. You will still be scared after the op because this is a major life change - but remember all the positives for why you chose this in the first place and remember that what you are doing shows just what a great mom you are.

Danna:whoo::clap2:

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My Blog address
http://www.dannasplace.piczo.com/?cr=2&rfm=y
DOB 3 Dec 2007
Dr Liebman - Nth Shore Pvte,

oh Steph . . . what we put ourselves through! You are NOT a bad mom . . .and I so hope everything goes wonderfully today! Let us know how you're doing when you feel up to it!
Hugs,
Chris

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I'm Walkng the Seattle 3 Day!
5'6" - 306/291/202.7/175
H(9-07)/s(12-3-07)/c(7-30-09)/goal

Chris, it is good to see you doing well - you were banded one day before me, and I am just now getting back into a normal good mood. How is your pain?

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LAP-BAND® 12/4/07

I understand being scared, my banding date is 12/11 and I have hives all over! It is amazing how our body reacts to the nerves.

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Vanessa

surgery date 12/11/07