I hardly know where to begin. There are so many possibilities. There are so many fears. I know that others share them, but it's so terrifying when it's you. I've been reading so much about all the good and bad things that could happen, and they all frighten me--the bad things. Will I be someone who can't wait to have my band removed? Will I love my band? Will I even be able to keep up the exercise regime I have in place for myself now? I see myself getting fatter and fatter unless I do something. I'm so scared, of needles, of the breathing tube, which I probably won't even know about. I wonder how many people take a long time, asking themselves questions before taking the plunge? So many people are excited, and I would be too, especially once I could see the weight falling away.
I have to remind myself that every step I take could lead me to my own banding. I had blood work down. Each time I turn on my computer, I think, I'll just let it go, because I'm letting my fear rule. But there's part of me that wants to talk to my doctor, and I'll make the appointment, and do just that. I think my insurance will cover the surgery, and that's a good thing. So, it may take a year, but my journey begins here. Courage, they say, is feeling the fear, but going ahead anyway.
Here I go!
What If, and Untitled: Two Poems
Posted 06-24-2008 at 10:54 PM by serenity55
This is what I came up with today, while fighting the cookie monster at work. But I didn't have any. And I feel like I really get it--it's time to stop talking and doing. But I'm still a mass of contradictions, or so it seems.
What if I get the band? What if I don’t?
Sometimes I think that I will make it, but what if I won’t?
What if, when I get the band, I become afraid?
What if, when I get the band, I know I have it made
Why does sugar call to me--a sweet siren song?
Why can’t I resist when I know giving in is wrong?!
I love the taste of sugar, which is sometimes not enough;
Good choices? I can make them, but there’s always the bad stuff!
What if I can’t eat the way all good bandsters should?
What if I succeed, and people say, “Girl, you look good!”
What if my port flips, the band slips, or sugar calls?
Do I have just what it takes to do this thing at all?
What if I stay focused on the tasks that are at hand?
Get to a place where I can be considered for the band?
I think that’s what I really want, in spite of all my fears;
To get the band, increase my life by many, many years
I am sad because food is not my friend.
I must find a way for this love affair to end.
It’s time for me to step up to the plate.
Take the plunge before it is too late.
Hard to let go, that’s all in my head.
Fill the void with something else instead.
Sometimes I think I know just what to do.
“The answer’s there,” I say, “in front of you.”
And still the taste of sweet things call to me;
Although the harm they do is plain to see.
I’m sad to think how much less I must eat,
Not have cookies for comfort, but for treats.
It seems so simple; yet I don’t know why
I can’t always fight the urge, though I try!
I may not find the answers that I seek.
Day by day I’ll be strong, not always weak.
I know the things that I must do to win.
I also know that I never will be thin.
By doing what I must to reach my goal,
I, not food, will be in control. ?
What if I get the band? What if I don’t?
Sometimes I think that I will make it, but what if I won’t?
What if, when I get the band, I become afraid?
What if, when I get the band, I know I have it made
Why does sugar call to me--a sweet siren song?
Why can’t I resist when I know giving in is wrong?!
I love the taste of sugar, which is sometimes not enough;
Good choices? I can make them, but there’s always the bad stuff!
What if I can’t eat the way all good bandsters should?
What if I succeed, and people say, “Girl, you look good!”
What if my port flips, the band slips, or sugar calls?
Do I have just what it takes to do this thing at all?
What if I stay focused on the tasks that are at hand?
Get to a place where I can be considered for the band?
I think that’s what I really want, in spite of all my fears;
To get the band, increase my life by many, many years
I am sad because food is not my friend.
I must find a way for this love affair to end.
It’s time for me to step up to the plate.
Take the plunge before it is too late.
Hard to let go, that’s all in my head.
Fill the void with something else instead.
Sometimes I think I know just what to do.
“The answer’s there,” I say, “in front of you.”
And still the taste of sweet things call to me;
Although the harm they do is plain to see.
I’m sad to think how much less I must eat,
Not have cookies for comfort, but for treats.
It seems so simple; yet I don’t know why
I can’t always fight the urge, though I try!
I may not find the answers that I seek.
Day by day I’ll be strong, not always weak.
I know the things that I must do to win.
I also know that I never will be thin.
By doing what I must to reach my goal,
I, not food, will be in control. ?
Total Comments 3
Comments
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What if all these things are just inside your head?
What if you are going to do better than you said?
You live for sugar, but it's time to live for you,
Easier said than done, yeah, I know that's true.
But nothing in life worth having is ever easy to get,
So just keep fighting, reaching for that goal, don't give up just yet.
You are worth fighting for so put on the gloves and get ready to fight
because you will defeat this cookie monster and win this battle for life!
okay so I know I am no poet, but I think you get the gist, so now I am ending this bad rhyming and all I am saying is DON'T QUIT!
Your friend,
CherylPosted 07-05-2008 at 08:25 AM by Cherylita
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Who says you're not a poet?
Cheryl, that was pretty good, I think. Thank you. I'm not giving up; even when I feel like I want to, I find myselfpicturing a thinner me. So in spite of myself, maybe I am a fighter!Posted 07-05-2008 at 01:21 PM by serenity55 - No maybe about it! You are a fighter girl!! You're doing great!Posted 07-06-2008 at 09:32 AM by Cherylita
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