Hey mission control: here it is five months after surgery on planet banded. All is going well and I now am a changed astronut. I have lost five pant sizes and three shirt sizes. I have had to visit the local clothing store but this is a new experience for me, I have always shopped with omar the tent maker and they dont have TENT makers on this planet. Thank God for that.

Now I have tokens left to outfit the spacecraft properly and not just with hughe tents to cover the old frame....

Well tummy, sorry that I have not reported in for some time, I have been on a walk about on this mission you have sent me on. My new call sign was 3x now I have to report after the considerable walk about I am now offical, new call sign is 2x.

I reported to mission control doctors as instructed on date 08102006.00 and I have his final report in, he said that I am now offical on the lunar scale at minus a total of 86lbs. I had to have a shot of oxygen when he said this as I was not...

Well space doctors report that 3x is doing grt. He went through a time warp and went back another three pounds. He is now down 73lbs from when lift off took place on April the 17th. Currently he is floating in weightless limbo. This past three days have been very stressing, many issues back on planet earth with his family.

3x has noticed that issues with family cause weightless limbo or even worse, time distortion which reverts him up some pounds. Make sure that all astro members...

Houston:

Here is 3x, just on crusie control, have not seen LAP-BAND® beast for awile, however I did experience its control over me. It was not a very good feeling either. Got space sickness but this was due to the mission issued food I think, just ate to big of bites, the tubes are not easy to adjust. This needs to be re-thunk.

Have noticed that when the LAP-BAND® beast is not on my mind, then I seem to not loose weight, this is not a good thing as being to heavy is dangerous...

Houston: WE HAVE SUCCESS


A report from the outer planet today reveiled that Astronaught 5X has encountered the mysterious LAP-BAND® beast and the beast is winning. Sent to this galaxy at 411lbs, 5x has been shrinking and is now at 344lbs.

This report on the beast is being released to those at mission control to show that the beast is not alien and against us but just is doing what it was designed to do. And that is to help mankind. The only thing that it requires...