Dear Diary,

We had our traditional Christmas Eve celebration yesterday night. I put on some clothes I had not worn in awhile and I was so at ease with myself. No tugging to stretch out clothes to make them fit better. I just put them on and felt good.

My Dad's girlfriend told me I look like I lost alot of weight. She said "You look good." I just smiled, and said thank you. I mentioned that I had cut down the amount of food I was eating. I did not say I had help...

Dear Diary,
It's been awhile, I haven't been on site lately. I'm trying to get back to a routine. So much has happened. I am sorry to say at my last Dr. appointment I had actually gained 8 lbs.. My Dr. was very upset with me. He said you're such a nice person don't you care about yourself? You have diabetes and you're eating sweets. You need to see the psychiatrist immediately at least 2 times. He is a bariatric specialized psychiatrist that uses a cognitive approach. I know it would be helpful...

Dear Diary,

I'm still waiting for my first fill appt. in the end of Oct.. I've got mixed feelings about it. One part of me wants the fill ASAP because I'm having a very difficult time staying on diet, and the other part of me doesn't want to be restricted from eating. I know, I want my cake and eat it too.:p

I know the band will only do it's job with restriction so I will have the fill. I just hope it isn't too tight like some people talk about. Just enough to keep...

Dear Diary,

Today I woke up refreshed and happy. I actually felt energetic enough to do some major cleaning. It's good to feel like my old self again. I
never would have believed that my poor eating habits would cause so much angst and despair.

I was even energetic enough to visit my niece and her two boys. I get such joy from seeing them. For awhile there I didn't want to do much socializing. I didn't want to see anybody. It was just too much of an effort....

Dear Diary,
I've been feeling so ashamed and guilty. I haven't been doing what I need to and know I must do to lose weight. Lately I've taken to eating cream puffs... not a recommended food. I'm eating well until dinner then I eat a cream puff (a large one).

At my last check up I was shocked, I had lost 8 pounds in a little under 4 weeks. I couldn't believe it. I have been cutting back on other foods and not paying attention to protein counts or calories. My big worry...