Okay all, I think I must be the biggest wimp! I was starting to get a little crazy last night thinking about the 6th. Nothing I couldn't stuff to the bottom of the priority list but there was a definite weight on my heart about this.
I ignored it and went to bed. This morning I wake up with a tremendous headache. I thought my head was going to explode. Of course I HAVE to ignore that because I only have a half day at work today and I have a ton to do to get ready to be gone Thurs. and Fri. still. Then my son wakes up and he has diarhea. Lord help me, can anything else go wrong? Well, DH says its not problem and everything will be fine, but I can't help thinking that what lousy mother would leave her sick child to go have elective surgery. It's not like it's going to kill me if I don't have surgery tomorrow.
So I have to go to work and I'm driving along and the headache is getting worse because I know I shouldn't be going and I know I should be at home with my little one, and I don't want to cancel surgery, and I'm being selfish, and my MIL shouldn't have to deal with this, and I really have gone through hell for two weeks to turn back now, and, and, and..... well, if your head isn't spinning after that, mine was. So I pull over and have a full fledged panic attack. Never had one of those before.
It got so bad that I pulled out a candy bar my son had in the vehicle and took a bite....and I chewed....and I chewed....and I chewed....and spit it out. I called my school and said they would have to do something without me the rest of the week and then called hubby to come get me because I was hyperventilating and didn't think I should drive.
Well that was 3 hours ago. I took a shower, a bath, and then a nap...and now I feel much better. I called my coordinator and she said, "If you weren't having anxiety, we'd be worried about you." She stepped me through all the reasons I was probably feeling these things and talked me calm.
I'm better now and thought I would share this story so that if any of the other up and comers feel this way, they'll know they aren't alone. I almost feel guilty I'm such a wimp, but there is my mea culpa.
Steph | 