I am not fat because I am miserable. I am fat because I WAS miserable and developed habits at that point that will take me a lot longer to break than it did to learn them. I had a dysfunctional family to the point where my mother and I had to leave and change our identities and move from place to place. I was thin then but my obsession with food began as we had none... I remember going to a neighbors house and they had rice a roni - it was like a jackpot. But, these days it seems "dysfunctional" families is the norm, unfortunately. So why am *I* fat and not the girl nextdoor who had a similary horid childhood??? I honestly think part of it is genetics, though certainly less than 50% of the issue. The other 50% are the ridiculous habits I formed...

I snack - especially at night. My kids go to bed and I head for the fridge/cabinets and then to the couch where I remain there until I go to bed (or, subsitute couch for computer). I guess this can be attributed to "hording" - I had to hord food as a child in order to have some the next day. I used to hide packs of pudding powder and eat it in the bathroom.

I never feel full unless I gorge myself - think Thankgiving dinner. If I don't feel like I am going to bust then I don't feel satisfied. Not sure why this is...

I eat so fast I don't "hear" my body saying it had enough... or that I had something that will make me sick, until it's too late. Again, goes back to the having to hurry it up so no one would see what I was able to sneak or just because we were always going somewhere.

Preband, as an adultm eating is like autopilot (as I mentioned in another post). Almost like I don't even realize I am doing it.

The band is helping - feel full sooner than gorging myself... still snacking but less often and it's a decision I make vs. an automatic behavior.

There is obviously more to all this but if I keep writing I may as well write a book, lol.

I am on the road to recovery.... changing the way I look at food is my biggest challenge - it's for nurishment and nothing else. Changing how fast I eat is the other. My portions are much better, my food choices are where they should be....

Anyway... thanks for posting this - great to read others stories and think about my own.

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