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Marimaru · 02-25-2005, 08:01 PM

"I weighed 165 lbs. when I was 13 and was considered a fat freak; now I can't wait to weigh 165 again."

That hit home. Really really hard too. I was actually 11 at the time, but that number haunts me. I was a pudgy kid and my parents put me on my first diet when I was 7 or 8. I remember sneaking candy in bed when the lights were out. I think that first pudgyness when I was a kid was a genetic metabolism issue, but it became a control issue after that. I would sneak candy in bed, I would buy snacks in school with my allowance, whatever. When I was 11 and in Jr. High my dad put me on slimfast and weighed me EVERY STINKING MORNING. I was at 165 at that time and that's why that number haunts me. I would get up to 170ish, and lie about my daily weigh in because he would hound me about what I was eating, and I didn't want to hear it. My friends weren't on diets and I didn't want to be either! This was also shortly after my parent's divorce, which didn't help matters much.

I went to live with my mom when I was 13, and she tried to cook good meals and not keep junk in the house, but I was already "conditioned". I'd buy things at the school cafeteria, or at the market that was on the way home from school.

I gained steadily throughout high school. I wasn't paying enough attention to notice, but my mom tells me that when I bought my first car and moved out I gained a good 40 lbs quickly. She hit the nail on the head when she said it was about control. My apartment, my car, I can do what ever I want, and what I want to do is eat a can of frosting with a spoon! At the time I had a friend who was a bit bigger than me, and I kind of always justified myself by saying that as long as I didn't get bigger than her, I was ok. So we got bigger together >.<

So I guess that's why I'm fat. There's probably something that started from before I was 7, but I can't remember...